dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
