I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
