He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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