So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
