We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
