my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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