oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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