i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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