the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
