Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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