Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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