I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
