Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
