i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need to calm my uterus...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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