I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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