I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
