there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
