I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
