sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
