Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
