after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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