apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
