I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
