I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
