I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
