So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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