You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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