We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
