In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
