Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
