Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
