Christians are straight up FREAKS
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
