I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
