so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
