I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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