i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dignity is for republicans.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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