508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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