Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
