she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
