no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
