it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
