Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
