please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
