dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
