Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The air taste purple.
Randomize
