I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
