He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
