i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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