dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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