i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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