Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
