Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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